A little over three months ago I ended a relationship.
There were a number of reasons why the relationship broke down; his infidelity leading to a lack of trust on my part, my obsessive tendencies/insecurities that resulted in criticism and judgement towards him and the relationship (and for him, one of the reasons why he strayed), and ultimately me realising that I saw different things in our futures. Breaking up was, as the saying goes, hard to do.
I had been with Harry* for just shy of four and a half years but I guess the hardest thing to overcome following the breakup was that throughout our relationship he was my best friend. I felt, in a cliche way that I had lost a part of myself.
Do I regret the decision of ending things?
I would be lying if there hadn’t been moments, jolts where I felt like I had made the wrong decision. But regret? No.
Sure, I’ve felt (and have moments where I feel) sad certainly if something reminds me of him or times together.
One of my close friends asked me recently how I might feel if I discovered that he was dating someone new, would I feel jealous? My response – yes to an extent. Perhaps because I have dipped my feet into dating again and see that there is life after a breakup, or the fact that I was the one who instigated the breakup, I feel as though I could accept the news and it not strike my core. I can now look back at our relationship with a fresh and healthier perspective and look positively towards the future.
* The name has been changed.
** Originally posted on ‘The Sum of Our Parts’ blog by the same author.